Let go
by LuLuuu
Summary: I headed off into the world, alone. I needed this. Or I would break. Jasper/BellaONESHOT.


**I'm going for _a _different angle. Jasper/Bella. But different. Review? :) **

**P.S, I forget to do this, so here goes.**

**I, unfortunately, do not own Twilight or any of the characters associated with the book/movie franchise. Boo :( All copyrights belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just use her wonderful characters for my own imagination! :) **

We sat, opposite ends of the room. Pretending not to acknowledge what had happened. I was hurt. I was pissed off. And extremely angry at his stupid attitude! His lies a stab in the back, a fist through my heart. And i still freakin' loved him. I felt his piercing, golden eyed gaze on me as my emotions swirled around and I point blank refused to look at him, knowing I would die inside if I saw those stupidly beautiful eyes. I felt a strong emotion permeate the room, and it made me feel worse. Alice had entered the room.

''Hi, Bella'' Her voice cheerful. Unaware. Stupid annoying future-seeing pixie. Well, she didn't see _my_ future did she. He felt my bitterness. I saw his expression change into one of shame.

''Hi, Alice'' I kept my tone neutral ''Excuse me, I need to go hunt''

''Bella, i'll come with you'' Her happy tone seared through me.

''_Alone'' _I ground out through my restricted throat. I needed to leave before I broke down. I left the room to her curling up in his side, hearing the giggles and soft murmers coming from his chair. I could've swung at something or more preferably, someone. I clenched my fists and exited the house.

I ran. Ran like my life depended on it; Not that I could die, I thought bitterly. Why me?

I reached my destination, and saw the memories contained within the small space. I felt like crying, and venom coated my eyes like tears would on a human. I growled softly, not an angry sound. A pained sound. I couldn't take their happiness. It hurt me even more knowing I used to have that. But Dickward left me for that Tanya Denali. Last I heard, they'd moved to Europe. Good for him. I broke. I felt my knees give way and the ground appeared in front of my face. I didn't bother stopping myself. It wouldn't hurt as much as _this, _hell it wouldn't hurt me at all. No physical pain, all frickin' emotional_._ I curled into myself, calves pressed into the back of my thighs. I clutched desperately at my hair, trying to make the hole disappear. It didn't. It was raw, open and seeping and oozed with my pain. It throbbed and I couldn't stop the onslaught of unwelcome memories.

_''Alice! He...He's left me'' I wailed ''He said forever, now he's gone off because im not human anymore!'' My cries grew in pitch whilst my Alice rubbed the small of my back. All I could focus on was the pain. I was broken. I cried in desperation until a numbness seeped through to my very core. I whispered a quiet ''Thank you'' in Jaspers general direction, guessing he too was hurting because of my emotions. Rosalie comforted me, her golden eyes sincere and welcoming, holding promises of pain if Edward ever came back. I don't remember anything after that, Jaspers empath thing had finally overcome my distaught emotions. _

I opened my eyes, the memory of his leaving like salt. I wailed. I was hurting, so so much. My mind slipped back into another memory, barely a few weeks old. This one was going to be like lemon juice on a papercut, I knew it and I tried to fight it off, but the stinging started.

_I sat, still as stone, watching the weak, watery sunrise. I blinked back the venomous coating of unshed tears and grasped at the rock like it was mud, breaking off into my hands. I was crying softly as I remembered sitting here, all those months ago, with Edward. I thought about the times I had felt his warm hand in mine as I had laid against his chest. I came and sat here now with Jasper some mornings. Sometimes talking, other times in sweet silence. I sat there a while longer, when I gasped. I realised there was a hand in mine! _

_''Jasper?'' _

_''Bella, I...I can't take this. You've become my best friend. I hurt, seeing you like this. Seeing how Edward has thrown away the best thing he will ever have and is ever going to get in the rest of his pathetic existance. Bella, you mean...you... I love you'' I had frozen once more, but my hand had clasped tighter around his. I swallowed my shock, and felt an unknown feeling take rest in the pit of my stomach. Happiness, I realised. I was happy. Before I had the time to check myself ''I love you, too'' I threw my free hand over my mouth, guilt overtaking any other feeling. Alice! She's my best friend. I turned my head, to tell Jasper, but when my eyes looked up, buttery gold was staring into mine, inches away. We just sat there, the minutes passing as each of us edged subconciously closer to each other. His lips met mine. _

No. No. No! I screamed to myself, stop it! You'll only cause yourself more pain! Another voice answered this, who cares? Edward doesn't want you, and now Jasper doesn't, so Im going to carry on with this thing, I am going to let you see your memories. I sobbed. I clutched frantically at the ground as I hoisted my heavy hearted body upwards and flew toward the trees, hoping to leave my memories behind with the evil inside me that wanted me to hurt; to cry.

_We laid there, side by side, chest to chest. A shudder ran through me as he placed soft kissed along my jaw line. I moaned in delight when he slipped his hand round my waist, drawing me in closer to his un-clothed body. I took my chance. I rolled him over, and on top of him, a smirk playing around my features. I slowly ran my hands down his chest and he purred. I chuckled and lowered my face to his, before we were once again joined. Sheer bliss. I heard my name being called, but it sounded far away. I came down from my high. Jasper was panting. I smirked. But then the guilt returned, marring my features. Jasper could tell. His face dropped, and he brought his hands to my face cradling it gently. ''You Bella, I want you'' he planted another kiss on my nose and mouth before getting up. ''Alice will be back soon'' _

I was still running, but it wasn't helping. I was hurting more. God, I was stupid. The stupid cowboy knew it. Ergh! I wanted to wring his neck, but I would miss him. I wanted to rip Alice apart, but he'd miss her. I was at a loss, my mind working over-time.

_I sat in the room, watching Alice and Jasper cuddling up. But I couldn't bring myself to feel jealous. That had been me and him just a few hours ago, sat talking and holding hands. Laughs and sweet nothings shared between us. I realised, as I sat watching them, that I had fallen for my best friends husband. Jasper smirked in my direction then and his eyes glinted. I smiled back and carried on reading my book, but focusing all my attention on the two vampires sharing this space. ''Lets go upstairs, Jazz'' I felt, rather than saw, his hesitation before he agreed and my heart...my heart fell a mile before shooting back up to rest in my throat. He felt it. He damn well felt my mood change! I could've cried. Her happiness permeated the atmosphere. _

I let out another pained cry, my hands wrapped around each other as I rocked against the tree stump. I shook as I sobbed, uncontrollable now.

_I sighed happily against Jaspers' well defined chest. ''I love you, Bella''. I didn't say it back. I couldn't, even though I wanted to. I knew he'd chose Alice, and this was our final alone time. Our last time to kiss, cuddle. I cried softly, and his arms tightened. ''Im so sorry Bella, I know how hard it must be for you. First Edward leaving you...then me doing this. You deserve better, sweetheart'' I hissed ''I desperately want you, its just...just...I...well I can't bring myself to hurt Alice. I care about her too much, Bella'' _

_''Oh yeah? What about me, huh? Or am I always gonna remain a dirty little secret?'' I knew it was unfair. His eyes hardened. _

_''You think I wanted this? I want you! But Alices' happiness is honestly more important. I wish things could've been different. I wish I didn't love you!'' Those words were like a punch in the gut. I tried to pull away._

_''Oh god, Bella. I am sorry. That was horrible. Your happiness is important to me, but you deserve someone who isn't a cheater. Who doesn't waste your time'' His voice became thick ''Im sorry''_

_He let me go, gathered my face in his hands and kissed me. Kissed me hard, and desperately. I knew he was trying to convey everything into our final parting kiss. And it worked. I threw myself at him, touching every visible part of his marred skin one last time with my lips. ''I love you too, Jasper'' I turned and fled. He stood there, dumbstruck, playing with his wedding band. _

_But I heard it ''We shouldn't talk anymore'' I sobbed and carried on running._

Please! I shouted at myself, Stop! Some sick part of me was reliving the heartbreak and it broke me even more. I heard footsteps near my hiding place.

''Bella?'' I'd recognise that thick Texan accent anywhere. I whimpered pathetically and hands were around me, pulling me up and against a chest.

''I know how you're feeling. You hurt and that? Thats my fault. I am so sorry Bella. I know my words are just that, words. But I am trying'' He kissed my forehead, making the hole throb and gape. I gasped and pushed him away, my arms comforting my ravaged chest. ''Leave me alone Jasper! You've done this'' My voice turned deadly, and low ''You deserve to watch me suffer, it makes _you_ suffer. So go on, run back to your jumped up little pixie and enjoy her. She makes you happy, then go for it, Major. Me? I'll be making you feel like hell. You didn't wanna talk anymore? Well,this is me, and I am done talking to you!'' He flinched, but he understood. He turned and headed back to the house. I crumbled.

I sat there, curled up in my little chair and everything I had felt today was being directed at him and his face was agony. I felt he deserved it. In some way, it hurt me to hurt him. But I was past caring. I would have to endure the happy couple for an eternity. I grimaced, but my sick little mind was happy. I would see Jasper, everyday for eternity. My thoughts whizzed around. If I loved Jasper, I wanted him happy. He was happy with Alice. I saw that. I sighed and retracted my emotions, watching him visibly relax and look gratefully at me. I scowled and he faced away.

I pulled my mental wall down, knowing I could communicate with him that way

''Be happy, Jasper''

I saw his eyes widen with shock at my silent admittal of defeat

''But you're unhappy...''

''Seeing you happy, is enough for me'' I brought my shield back up, effectively ending the conversation. I paid no heed to my book, just turning the pages as I normally would. Life would get better, I just needed to move on. And to do that I needed to let go. Pixie saw my decision.

''Bella, you'll love travelling!'' I smiled meekly, grabbed my duffel bag and headed out the door. She knew I would be back within a year. I pulled my mental wall down

''I love you, Jasper'' Sealing my mind, I climed into my car and headed off into the world, alone.


End file.
